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THE LOVE OF NEIGHBOR
O Lord you said: Ask, and you will receive. Seek and you will find. Knock and it will be opened to you. And here I am asking you for such a long time and seeking so earnestly that my strength is failing, and life has become a burden. I somehow cannot seem to appease you, neither can I find what my soul needs so much and which my heart constantly desires. Why, O Lord, are you deaf to my pleading? Why do you not want to give your Spouse that for which she craves so much? Are you doing this to test me and to humble me? Should I look upon this as a sign of your rejection or as a punishment? After all, I am not asking you for anything that is evil, harmful towards my salvation or opposed to your glory. I am asking you for that which you demand in your commandment; which you yourself consider as the first and the greatest. I keep begging you for love towards you and my neighbor and do not recognize either of these in myself. You do not allow me to experience this feeling even for a moment, neither do you give me the grace to show it in action The more I desire it, the more I feel devoid of it. On the contrary, the feeling is reversed. My behavior is the opposite of what I desire and understand.